


Not that Kind of Doctor

by a1_kitkat



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bisexual Kyle Valenti, Biting, Boys Kissing, Bullying, Childhood Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Kylex, Kylex Fix-it, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Not Beta Read, Post 1x13, Secret Crush, Tumblr Prompt, ex-Malex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 06:54:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18868045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: For @itsmylifekay on tumblra post 1x13 ficKyle & Alex were friends from a young age until they grew up and grew apart. Now they’re both back in Roswell and Kyle has come to see Alex in an entirely new light.





	Not that Kind of Doctor

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you @BlaiddDrwg1982 for being my sounding board & encouraging me :)

Kyle Valenti was going to be a Doctor.

It was a decision he’d made when he was just eight years old and it was a decision he never once regretted. He often thought of that day, playing in his yard with the Manes brothers, the way the older ones liked to roughhouse to the point of injury. And that was what happened; the loud crack of a breaking bone and the stunned silence that followed.

Jim Valenti had sprung to action but Kyle had immediately run to his neighbor and knocked on the door.

Doctor Whitman had come running with his medical bag and Kyle just watched, fascinated, by the steps he took to check and treat the injury. He’d insisted on taking him to his clinic and Kyle had followed with his father.

He went to visit Doctor Whitman a lot, spent a creepy amount of time at his clinic but the doctor was a sweet man who could see the curiosity in Kyle’s eyes. He was patient and instructed Kyle to be too. When, after his thirteenth birthday, Kyle showed no signs of giving up on his dream, Doctor Whitman started to train him on really simple things. By the time Kyle was fourteen, his heart and mind were set.

He was going to be a Doctor.

He borrowed textbooks and read them in his spare time, he watched medical shows and even found videos of actual surgeries online. Doctor Whitman took him under his wing and Kyle couldn’t have been happier. He learned a lot from him and was always the first to bandage any kid at school who needed it.

*

When he was fifteen, on a trip with his father, Jesse Manes and Jesse’s youngest son, Alex, he was forced to put the books aside and ‘be practical’ at Jesse’s insistence but when Jesse wasn’t around, Kyle would have Alex quiz him on various things in the books. He was determined to be the best doctor he could be, wanted to make Doctor Whitman proud of him.

Jesse sent Kyle and Alex out into the fresh air and told them to make the most of it but he stopped Kyle from taking any textbooks with him. Alex seemed relieved to be away from the glaring, judgmental eyes of his father while Kyle sulked over wasted studying time. They walked for a long time until they came across the remnants of their treehouse. Kyle climbed up first, followed by Alex and they surveyed the mess they’d left behind when they’d abandoned the project months, years, earlier.

A step on the wrong floorboard sent Alex tumbling from the tree but he landed without so much as a yelp, just a sickening thud.

“Alex?” Kyle frantically called. 

His heart was beating rapidly as he stared at the prone body, lying on his side down below and he hurried to climb down in a anxious bid to check on his friend but Alex was already trying to sit up when he finally reached him.

Kyle had to forcibly hold him down while he tried to check him over.

“I’m fine” Alex insisted but he could see he wasn’t.

“Alex, I’m just trying to help”

“Kyle” he gasped in pain.

“What is it? Where are you hurt? I can go get your dad for help”

“No! Don’t, please?”

Alex appeared absolutely terrified at the thought of his father learning about this.

“Kyle, please?” Alex winced again.

“Alex, where are you hurt?”

“My… My shoulder”

Kyle reached out to touch Alex’s shoulder and he gasped in shock. His friends arm had wrenched clear of the socket.

“Shit, Alex!” Kyle cursed.

“You can fix it, right?” Alex was still wincing in pain.

“I’m not a Doctor, I can’t-”

“You know what to do, you can fix it, can’t you?”

“I… I… I can but I don’t know if I should”

Alex reached out with his non-injured hand and grabbed hold of Kyle’s, stared up at him with tears in his eyes.

“Please? Kyle?” Alex whispered “my dad can’t know”

“Alex”

“He thinks I’m weak, this is just proof… Please, Kyle?”

He didn’t want to but Alex was in pain and begging for his help. Kyle knew what he had to do, had even helped Doctor Whitman a few times so he knew he could do it. Seeing the fear and the pain on Alex’s face was what drove him to his decision.

“You’re going to have to trust me” Kyle said to him.

“I do” Alex said, nodding his head and steeling himself for what was going to come next. “I do trust you”

Kyle moved around for a better angle then reached out. In one swift, quick movement he was able to wrench Alex’s arm back into place. To his credit, Alex still didn’t make a sound.

“Thank you” he whispered “thank you”

“The second we get home you’re coming with me to Doctor Whitman” Kyle hissed.

Alex nodded his head in agreement and reached for Kyle’s hand. He smiled gratefully at his friend.

“You’re going to be a great doctor one day, Kyle”

“Thanks”

That should have been the end of it but Kyle spent the next two days watching Alex like a hawk, convinced his friend was still in pain. After everyone was asleep, Kyle heard Alex head for the bathroom and he quickly followed him inside.

“Kyle, what the hell?” Alex softly growled.

Kyle closed the door and turned his complete attention to Alex’s shoulder.

“Does it still hurt?” He asked.

“I’m fine!”

“Take off your shirt”

“What? No!”

“Alex! Do it or I’ll tell your dad”

He knew the right thing to say for Alex immediately caved and winced in pain as he removed his shirt. Kyle reached out and touched his injured shoulder which was slightly swollen but appeared to be okay. He couldn’t stop his eyes given the rest of Alex a once-over, trying to determine if he’d sustained other injuries that he hadn’t wanted Kyle to know about. The only thing he found odd were the bruises on his stomach that didn’t seem consistent with the fall from the tree but Alex quickly pulled his shirt back on and the subject was dropped until they were home again.

Kyle told Jesse Manes he needed Alex’s help with something and immediately took his friend to see Doctor Whitman who told Kyle to given them a moment while he examined Alex’s injuries but Alex allowed Kyle to stay with him.

The Doctor gave Alex an examination and praised the good work Kyle had done with his arm. Kyle beamed with pride but as soon as they were done, Alex scampered.

*

When Kyle was seventeen, his dream was still attainable but had been temporarily sidelined as he became more interested in sport and girls. He wore his letterman jacket with pride and was at every school event; though he still helped Doctor Whitman when his schedule allowed it, he continued to maintain he would be a Doctor himself one day.

He was sitting at the Kitchen table one night when his mother came in and started to make a fuss. Graduation was two weeks away so he was reading the welcome packet for Michigan State for the upteenth time but his mother just stared at him.

“What?” He asked her. “Come on, mom, just say whatever it is you want to say”

“Why don’t you spend time with Alex anymore?” She asked him.

His heart dropped. She knew why. He knew why.

“You know why, mom” he replied.

“You used to be so close” she continued “were practically inseparable… once you leave for college, you might never see him again”

“I know” he tried not to let her words get to him.

“Really, Kyle?” Her tone changed “You’re really willing to lose a decade long friendship based purely on rumors and conjecture?”

Kyle wouldn’t look at her, could feel himself becoming annoyed. Maybe it was just rumors but in a small town, rumors sure travelled far and wide. So what if Kyle had wanted to separate himself as quickly as possible to hopefully stop the same rumors from haunting him? The last thing he wanted was people making assumptions about him since he’d had sleepovers as a kid with the one rumored queer kid in town.

His eyes flickered to the wall and the collection of family photos, to the image of Jim and Jesse with Kyle and Alex on the front step of the cabin; Kyle’s arm was around Alex.

He packed up the table, insisted it was late and he was going to bed. Once in his room, he opened the desk drawer and pulled out an old photo album which was filled with images from his childhood; Alex was in most of them.

Perhaps his mother was right, maybe he should reach out to his friend again? He wasn’t entirely sure Alex would be receptive especially given how much of an ass he’d been to him. The rumors had taunted Alex for months and Kyle had been the driving force behind most of them. He’d honestly lost track of the amount of awful things he’d called his friend.

A knock at his door made him hide the photo album and his mother peered into his room.

“Sweetie, I have to go into work” she explained “your father is still out too so… I’ll see you in the morning”

She left but Kyle didn’t think twice about it. His parents were often called out for work at random times of the day and night; he was used to it. 

Kyle was sitting on his bed, thumbing through the old photo album when he heard a noise outside his window. The tapping wasn’t consistent which was what made him get up; he moved over to the curtain, parted it then opened the window.

A terrified Alex Manes was staring back at him.

“Manes?” He gasped. “What are you…? What happened?”

Kyle reached out a hand and Alex took it. He carefully helped his childhood friend through the window then closed it as Alex sank to the floor, his entire body was trembling. Kyle took pause, just observing Alex.

His eyes were bloodshot, cheeks stained with tears. Alex was cradling his hand against his chest, nose bleeding, clothes torn.

“Manes?” Kyle dropped to his knees next to him. “Alex? What the hell happened? Who did this to you?”

“My dad” Alex sobbed as he shook his head from side to side “my dad”

He sniffled and reached up to wipe his eyes.

“What?” Kyle gasped.

“I was… with someone” Alex explained “in the toolshed, behind my house, and he caught us together” Kyle felt his heart drop. “I begged him, told him it had nothing to do with him but he just snapped and… and…”

“And the uh person you were with?”

“He tried to protect me but my dad…” Alex swallowed “went after him... so I begged him to go but then my dad… my dad…”

Alex trailed off, his eyes lost focus as he stared down at the carpet. Kyle moved closer and wrapped his arm around him, held him in what he hoped was a comforting way. He didn’t know what to say. Every fear he’d had about Alex had been proved true; Alex was queer and there was no denying it now. He’d been getting it on with a guy and Jesse Manes had violently objected.

Kyle simply held Alex who was clearly trying to maintain a brave face, he didn’t know what to say to him; knew nothing he said would make a difference or undo what his father had done to him. He was morbidly curious as to  _ who _ Alex had been with but now wasn’t the time to ask.

Alex shifted and gasped in pain which made Kyle release him, his eyes scanned Alex for obvious signs of injury which was when he realized his childhood friend was protecting his left hand.

He reached for it but Alex shied away, wouldn’t look at Kyle or let him touch him.

“Alex, please?” He whispered “please let me help you”

“No” Alex blinked back fresh tears.

“You came here for a reason, Manes”

“I didn’t know where else to go”

“So you came here, to me?”

Alex didn’t respond, kept his head bowed but his hand was trembling. Kyle slowly, carefully reached out again and gently took Alex’s injured hand. Two of his fingers were clearly dislocated, much like his shoulder had once been.

“I can fix this” Kyle whispered “your hand, I mean. I can reset it. If you’ll let me”

Alex slowly nodded his head.

Kyle helped Alex to his feet and directed him towards the bed. He set him down on the mattress then sat down opposite him. Kyle examined the fingers but paused, wondering if he should take Alex to Doctor Whitman instead.

“I’ve been an absolute jerk” Kyle said to him “why did you come here? After everything I’ve done to you”

“Because you fixed me last time I was broken” Alex confessed “and I don’t want anyone to know”

“Know what? What he did to you?”

“What he did; why he did it”

“Alex-”

“Please Kyle, promise you won’t tell anyone about this” Alex whispered “promise me?”

“I… I promise… I’ll never even mention it again”

Kyle got up and left his room when he returned, Alex’s face was covered in fresh tears. He sat down, used the supplies he’d brought with him and gently started to wipe the blood from under his nose. Alex didn’t even flinch, didn’t say a word while Kyle cleaned him up. He wondered if Alex was still in shock.

He once again reached for Alex’s injured hand.

“You’re going to have to trust me” Kyle said.

“I trust you, Kyle” Alex whispered.

He winced as Kyle snapped his fingers back in place; Kyle himself felt sick at the noise it made. He couldn’t believe Jesse had done this to his own son… to Alex of all people. 

Gay or straight, Alex was one of the sweetest, kindest people he’d ever met. He hadn’t cried when he’d fallen from a tree, hadn’t even cried when his mother left. Even now, Alex didn’t want anyone to know what his own father had done to him. Despite his cruel actions, Alex was protecting his father or, more likely, the boy his father had hurt. He still wondered who it was, who had been the guy to fall for Alex then suffer for it? Alex had said this boy had tried to protect him from Jesse. Whoever they were, they cared for Alex. That’s what mattered to Kyle.

He picked up the bandage and carefully wrapped Alex’s hand. His movements were slow and gentle as he took great care to bandage his friends injury.

“I’m gonna get some ice” Kyle said once he’d finished. “I’ll be right back”

Kyle hurried from his room, into the kitchen and found an ice pack in the freezer. He went back to his room but only found an empty bed. Alex was gone.

*

In the weeks that followed that evening, the entire town was abuzz amid the controversy surrounding the deaths of Rosa, Jasmine and Kate. The shocking accident swept the attention of the town and the incident with Alex completely slipped Kyle’s mind as he grieved with the residents. Three lives cut short; it was truly a tragedy.

The resulting effect was that most of his fellow classmates left town much sooner than originally intended, even Liz took off. So Kyle also packed up and left for the summer before settling in Michigan.

But over time, his mind would return to that night and he’d wonder what had become of the mystery boy in Alex’s life. He thought of Alex too, listening to the news as often as he could. Whenever he heard of an officer injured or killed in the line of duty, he’d silently pray that officer wasn’t Alex Manes. Until the day it was.

*

When Kyle was twenty seven years old, he’d returned home to Roswell as a fully trained Doctor. He’d finally achieved his dream; had worked hard and it had paid off. 

Although he hadn’t exactly anticipated all the drama that came with returning to his small town life. Liz’s return and the ten year anniversary of Rosa’s death brought so many revelations with it. The existence of aliens, that those aliens had been the real cause of Rosa’s death, his father having been killed by an alien and Jesse Manes had had a hand in it, Rosa had actually been Kyle’s half sibling.

He felt like every time he turned around a new bombshell was dropped upon him. Learning Max Evans was an alien had been a lot to take in then he’d discovered both Isobel and Michael were aliens too. His entire life had been turned upside down and he hadn’t known what to do.

The one constant in his life quickly became Alex Manes. Kyle knew he had a lot to make up for but it meant a lot that Alex was willing to let him. They were thrust together by their family legacies but, deep down, the friendship they’d once had was still there and it was slowly taking root again.

When he learned, all these years later, that it had in fact been Michael Guerin who’d been in the toolshed with Alex that night, Kyle hadn’t known how to feel. He’d never liked Michael and he liked him even less once he knew of the part he’d played in covering up Rosa’s death but he always remembered Alex’s insistence that Michael had tried to protect him from Jesse. The first time he really saw the damage to Michael’s hand, he realized he was one of very few people who knew the truth.

His renewed friendship with Alex stirred up a lot of buried feelings and emotions. The attraction between Alex and Michael was undeniable and Kyle wondered how he hadn’t figured it out sooner.

Kyle watched from the sidelines as Alex grew to accept who he really was and what he really wanted. He stood by his side in a way he hadn’t when they were younger; he encouraged him to talk to Michael.

But the trip to Caulfield changed everything. A near death experience will do that to you. As Kyle had been throwing files and drives into the backpack, his thoughts had been on Alex who’d run off after Michael. While Kyle had fled the building, he’d hoped and prayed Alex would already be outside but he heard him coming from behind and the three of them barely had time to duck for cover before the entire building was destroyed.

On the way back to Roswell, Alex had spent the entire drive watching Michael in the rear view mirror but Kyle had spent it watching Alex. He knew how close a call it had been, how close Kyle had come to losing him.

Shit really hit the fan again almost as soon as they returned to town and Kyle found himself performing emergency surgery on Liz at the Crashdown all while feeling like he was being watched. Every time he turned around, he was convinced Jesse Manes was following him… he couldn’t quite pin down why though. Was it because he’d essentially double crossed the man? Was it because they’d destroyed Caulfield prison? Was it because Jesse had somehow figured out Kyle’s secret?

He was certain he was losing it so was actually quite relieved when Jesse finally made his move and Kyle’s paranoia inevitably saved his life. Of course now he was even more terrified at how close he’d come to dying himself.

It was several days later when Kyle realized he hadn’t heard from Alex in a while and he became resigned to the fact that, after nearly dying with Michael, Alex had declared his love and the two of them were probably locked away in Michael’s trailer having marathon sex.

So he was absolutely shocked when he stopped by the Wild Pony on his way home from work and saw Michael kissing Maria. He felt like he’d been punched in the gut, the ultimate betrayal happening right before his eyes. He’d simply turned around and walked away but when he got home, he wanted to march straight back down to the bar and punch Michael.

Kyle was lying on the couch with a beer and debating if he should call or text Alex when there was a loud knock at his front door. He shuffled down the hall and opened it to find a very distraught Alex on his front stoop. Kyle didn’t say a word, just stepped aside and indicated for Alex to come in.

They walked to the living room and Alex sank down on the couch. From the looks of him, he’d been crying; a lot. Kyle sat down next to him, started by placing his hand on his back then slid it around him and pulled Alex to him, held him.

For a long time, they sat in absolute silence, so reminiscent of that night long ago when Alex had climbed in his window.

“What must you think of me” Alex whispered.

Kyle kept his mouth shut.

“I must be the biggest, dumbest idiot on on the planet” he continued “no, in the universe”

“Alex-”

“He tried to tell me, at Caulfield, he said he didn’t love me and I called him a liar… Thought he was just saying it to make me leave him behind but I was stupid and in love and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave him”

“Alex-”

“For ten years, he’s been… I’ve had him on a pedestal in my heart” Alex continued “the first boy I ever kissed, ever touched, ever… loved. I watched my father smash his hand with a hammer when all Guerin had done was love me, try to protect me… and I’ve kept that memory in a bubble inside of me… for ten years, I told myself that he was better off without me… that who I am, what I am, is why he got hurt… why my dad did what he did to him…”

“It’s okay”

“When I learned the truth about him and Project Shepherd, I drove my dad out of town and told myself I needed to be better… that I wasn’t my father. That I am capable and worthy of being loved”

“Of course you are, Alex!” Kyle was shocked.

“So why doesn’t it feel like it?” Alex was fighting back tears. “Kyle, please?”

“Alex, I… I don’t understand”

Kyle felt Alex slip away from his grasp but he didn’t attempt to reach for him again, not straight away. Alex picked up Kyle’s beer and took a long swig from the bottle.

“I need your help” Alex wouldn’t meet his eye though “you’ve always been the one person I could turn to”

“Of course I’ll help you, Alex, what do you need?”

“I need you to fix me, like you always do. My shoulder, my fingers… You’ve always been able to fix me”

“I’m sorry but I don’t think I can… not this time” it pained him to say it; hurt even more to witness the heartbreak on Alex’s face.

“But you’ve always been there for me, to fix me” Alex repeated.

“Alex, I’ve dealt with physical pain yeah but this is different... I’m not that kind of Doctor; I can’t heal a broken heart. I wish i could. Believe me, I wish I could take your pain away”

“Kyle” Alex sobbed “You're the one person I could count on when I was broken; the one person who could always fix me!”

Kyle took the beer from Alex, placed it on the table then took both of Alex’s hands in his. When that failed to get a reaction, he reached up and placed his hand upon his friend’s cheek.

“I can’t fix you” Kyle insisted “because you’re not broken, Alex. You have a broken heart because the boy you loved years ago, has done you wrong”

“I just don’t understand where it all went so wrong”

“He was there, at a time when you needed him but that was a long time ago. You’ve both grown; grown up and grown apart. It happens. Look at us, we used to be best friends but we hadn’t spoken in ten years… and now, when you’re at your lowest, I was the first person you thought of”

“You’ve always been the first person I think of, Kyle” Alex whispered before he nervously pulled away from his touch “you’ve always been there for me when I needed you the most. That night, after my dad… did what he did, I knew you’d take care of me and you did”

“But then you ran away” Kyle added “I left to get you some ice and when I came back you were gone”

“I was scared, Kyle. Scared that my dad was following me and that, if he saw us together, he’d think the worst of you too. Watching him hurt Michael was the worst thing I’d seen in my life and I couldn’t stand the thought of him doing that to you too”

“I know you didn’t want to hear it before but I truly am sorry for the way I treated you in high school”

“I know you are” Alex nodded his head “I knew it back then too from the way you tended my hand that night. I knew the Kyle I once lov… was friends with was still in there somewhere”

“Being back here after all these years” Kyle began “I thought coming home as an adult, I would be smarter and wiser but instead, I find out I had a half sister who was murdered by aliens and my high school girlfriend is dating one of those aliens… oh and my childhood best friend was also sleeping with one of them”

“Who knew there could be so much drama in such a small town?”

“It’s weird to think about how much  _ our _ lives have been affected by something that happened seventy years ago”

“We would have been better off” Alex mumbled.

“You don’t really mean that”

“Your life would’ve been; Rosa, your dad, they’d both still be alive”

“Maybe, maybe not… but that crash, those aliens, it happened and we can’t change that. I can’t bring my dad back… and your dad…” Kyle hesitated.

“He’d still hate me” Alex finished. “Guerin didn’t make me gay; he was just the first person who accepted it and made me feel… feel…”

Kyle reached for him again but Alex simply trailed off as Kyle held him.

“That crash became our family legacy” Kyle continued “without that, our father’s probably never would’ve been friends… they were just too different. You and I? We probably wouldn’t have been either but the time we were forced to spend together as kids were some of the best of my life… I miss those days of just being reckless, dumb kids”

“Yeah, you’re right… we wouldn’t have been friends but you probably wouldn’t have been such as ass to me either. You wouldn’t have had reason to distance yourself from the queer kid”

Kyle didn’t know what to say to that. He couldn’t argue the fact but to confirm it hurt too. God he hated the jock he’d once been. There was so much more to life than trying to be one of the ‘cool kids’ and he’d hurt his best friend in order to reach and stay at the top of that ladder. He wished he could go back and do it all again.

“And we probably wouldn’t be friends now either” Kyle added. “I may not have even come back here”

“Me either” Alex agreed “I mean, my dad probably still would’ve pushed me to enlist and I may or may not have lost my leg” he paused “but a part of me always hoped… hoped that when I got back, I’d be stronger and braver… finally willing and able to fight for him, to prove I’m not that scared seventeen year old anymore but Guerin… He just has this way about him and when he looks at me, it all disappears and… he makes me feel like that boy in the toolshed, from right before my dad came in; I was happy and in love and…” he trailed off again.

Kyle continued to hold Alex, wishing he could think of anything to say to lift his spirits but his friend was hurting and he could do was be there while he let it all out. They stayed on the couch for a long time until Kyle decided they needed something stronger than beer.

He told Alex he’d be right back and hurried into the kitchen to find the bottle of scotch and two glasses. Kyle heard the front door close and he immediately ran into the living room where he found an empty couch. He sighed and shook his head. Alex needed time so he’d give it to him.

*

He wasn’t big into birthdays but he knew exactly how he wanted to celebrate his twenty eighth one… Just dinner for two in a quiet, secluded place. The problem was, he couldn’t find the one person he wanted to spend his birthday with. Alex had simply vanished after  _ that night _ . Kyle had called, texted, emailed; he’d done random drive bys of Alex’s house at odd hours of the day and night but there was no sign of his car.

Kyle asked Liz and Maria how Alex was doing. Liz frowned and shamefully admitted she couldn’t recall the last time she’d seen him though she did have a lot on her plate right now. When he went to Maria, she acted equally ashamed but confessed that she’d believed him to be avoiding her and she’d decided to respect his decision.

These responses did little to reassure him so, on his first day off, he jumped into his car and drove right out of town; several hours later he pulled up outside his father’s old hunting cabin and, sure enough, there was Alex’s car. He climbed out and made his way up to the door, the porch was covered in a mess of garbage and recycling… mostly bottles of booze. Kyle braced for the  worst and knocked on the door.

He knocked for a really long time until he eventually started yelling his friends name and his insistence that he knew he was in there because he was parked right next to his car.

When the door started to open, he braced himself to prepare for the worst but instead he was met by the Alex he’d come to know over the past few months just with slightly messier hair. It suited him though. Everything about his appearance said he was fine except for his eyes.

“What are you doing here, Kyle?” Alex’s voice was gravely.

“I was worried” he admitted “no one’s seen you around; I checked with Liz, Maria, no one’s heard from you”

Alex stepped back and moved into the cabin so Kyle followed, pushed the door closed while Alex returned to his spot on the couch. Kyle’s eyes assessed the damage of the room; an empty pizza box, several empty beer bottles, a pile of unopened mail on the table, some napkins from nearby bars.

Kyle reached for the napkins and picked them up, out the corner of his eye he watched as Alex removed his prosthetic and casually slipped it under the couch. He examined the scrawl on each one, names and phone numbers.

“What uh what’s this?” Kyle held them up but Alex shrugged and reached for one of the beer bottles.

“I needed a distraction or two… or three” Alex replied before taking a mouthful then wincing at the bitter taste.

“Alex!” Kyle was appalled “tell me you were at least… safe?”

“Of course…” his hissed then lowered his voice “not”

“Jesus!” 

The Doctor inside Kyle immediately took control and he reached for Alex’s hand, tried to pull him to his feet.

“Come on, we have to get you to a doctor and-” he started but Alex yanked his hand free.

“Chill, Kyle… I’m okay, I… I got tested”

“And you’re clean?”

Alex’s eyes darted to the pile of unopened mail. Kyle instantly snatched up the envelopes and started pouring through them until he found the one he needed and ripped it open.

“Hey!” Alex shouted “opening someone else’s mail is a criminal offence”

“So report me” Kyle snapped as he pulled the documents out and examined them. His heartbeat returned to normal once he could read for himself that Alex was okay.

He let out a sigh of relief and sank down on the couch next to his friend.

“Come on, Alex” Kyle began “just talk to me, please? Why would you do something like that?”

“I just… wasn’t thinking. I wanted a distraction and he was just that… a distraction but you don’t have to freak out, it won’t happen again”

“See, you say that but…”

“Believe me, it won’t… it can’t”

Kyle watched as Alex leaned back in the seat and covered his face with his hand, slowly rubbed his eyes. Alex let out a defeated sigh. Kyle’s hand twitched as he wanted to reach out to his friend but didn’t.

“What were you thinking?” Kyle wasn’t mad, he was just worried.

“I’m poison, Kyle” Alex admitted as he leaned forward in the seat. “I ruin everything… everyone I touch”

“Alex-”

“First there was Guerin and his hand” Alex began, his own hand began to tremble.

Kyle opened his mouth but paused. He wondered if Alex had seen Michael’s hand lately, if he were aware the injury had been completely healed.

“You know I hooked up with someone from my unit?” Alex wouldn’t look at Kyle while he spoke “we were on assignment but had some downtime and, one thing led to another and we ended up in bed together but… afterwards we both agreed it didn’t mean anything. I was still crazy for Guerin and he was crushing on a guy back home himself; he told me he was gonna ask him out when he got home”

“Did he?”

“He never got home; two days later a suicide bomber took out half the village he’d gone to for emergency supplies”

“I’m sorry”

Alex reached out and picked up the pile of napkins then handed one to Kyle. He could read the name and number plain as day.

“I called him” Alex nodded towards the napkin “we met for a drink then I let him fuck me in the mens room of the bar. He ran a red light on the way home and crashed into a pole”

“Fuck” Kyle gasped.

“He’s still alive… for now. I read in the paper he’s still unconscious”

“Alex”

“It’s me, Kyle, it has to be. Anyone who gets close to me gets hurt and I don’t know how to stop it, how to fix it”

“Alex”

“It’s my curse; my father was right about me all along”

Kyle moved from his spot on the couch, couldn’t stand the way Alex was talking about himself. He shifted and sat himself on the coffee table directly in front of his sweet, beautiful friend. Kyle reached out and placed each of his hands on one of Alex’s knees.

“You’re wrong, Alex” Kyle insisted. Alex slowly looked up and finally meet Kyle’s gaze. “You are  _ not _ cursed. You are  _ not _ poison. You are  _ not _ broken. You are perfect in every way possible. Your heart, your soul, your kindness, your compassion… You are the bravest, kindest, sweetest person I have ever met and I thank the stars every damn day that I’m lucky enough to have you in my life. I look back on the absolute hell I put you through and I wish I could take it back but the fact you’ve chosen to forgive me when I don’t even deserve it… shows just how amazing and huge your heart is… and it kills me to see just how little you think yourself to be. Any guy would be lucky to have your love and I envy the one you will give your heart to because, fuck, I should never be so lucky to be worthy of you”

Alex slowly started shaking his head from side to side.

“No, Kyle” he began to protest “don’t”

“Alex” Kyle whispered. He raised his hand and gently touched his friends cheek, saw the tears forming in Alex’s eyes.

“Don’t” he argued “I’m not worth it”

Kyle released an exasperated sigh.

“For someone so smart” he said “you sure can be so stupid”

Alex reached up and grabbed Kyle’s wrist, stared right back at him. Eyes locked, they just looked at each other defiantly.

“Kyle, don’t do this” Alex swallowed nervously.

But Kyle’s mind was made up; he lunged forward and captured Alex’s lips in a deep, bruising kiss. At first, his friend didn’t react not until Kyle moved his hand into his hair, fingers buried in the messy locks and tugging almost aggressively. Alex’s lips parted so Kyle dared to possess him, his tongue dominating the confined space of Alex’s mouth. Without breaking the kiss, Kyle maneuvered himself from the coffee table to the couch so he was straddling Alex’s thighs. He held himself upright so he had to lean down, Alex’s head forced back to meet Kyle’s mouth.

Until they had to stop, to draw breath and Kyle reluctantly pulled away but he continued to tower over Alex who simply stared up at him from wide eyes. His heart was racing as his entire body screamed ‘you just kissed Alex!’ but he just continued to look down at his confused friend.

“Kyle, please? This isn’t what you want” Alex argued. “I’m not what you want”

“But you are” Kyle insisted; he brought his hand up to gently brush Alex’s hair back from his face “Alex, I’ve wanted you for months! And I hated seeing you in such pain, longing for Guerin… Who so isn’t worthy of you”

Kyle leaned down and kissed him again.

“No, Kyle” Alex tried again “you’re not gay; you’re just trying to make me feel better”

“That’d be pretty messed up of me”

“Kyle-”

Alex’s protests were cut short by another hungry kiss and Kyle smiled when he heard Alex’s quiet whimper of delight. He shifted his body, purposely rubbed his crotch against Alex’s and felt the gasp leave his friends mouth.

“No” Alex whispered. “Kyle, we can’t”

“Why not?” Kyle asked as he started to kiss and tease Alex’s neck. He found just the right spot and Alex gasped.

“I can’t let you” he said “I don’t want you to get hurt”

“I can hurt  _ you _ if you let me” Kyle whispered in Alex’s ear. He smirked at the way Alex’s lip trembled at his words. “I want you, Alex. I want to be with you”

“But we can’t” Alex slowly reached out and grasped the base of Kyle’s shirt, yanked it off over his head “we can’t” he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Kyle’s naked chest.

This was taking too long; Kyle reached for Alex’s shirt and grabbed the front. He didn’t bother with the buttons, just yanked the material and watched as several flew off in different directions. He pushed the material from Alex’s shoulders so they were equally naked from the waist up. Kyle pulled Alex towards him, flesh upon flesh and they both groaned.

“Kyle” Alex gasped into Kyle’s hungry kiss.

He felt Alex’s hands on him; one on his lower back, the other on his thigh. Kyle leaned into the embrace, kissing him harder, deeper, then he started to grope him through his pants and he felt his friends reaction to his touch.

“No” Alex whispered “Kyle?”

“You want this, Alex; you want me, don’t you?” Kyle’s lips barely left Alex’s when he spoke.

“I care about you, Kyle but you deserve way better than me”

Kyle wanted to scream; Alex Manes, the absolute epitome of everything he’d ever wanted in his life, was finally in his arms but he simply refused to believe how incredible he was. Why couldn’t Alex see it? Why did he still believe himself to be unworthy, unwanted, unloved?

“But there is no one better than you!” Kyle insisted. “Dammit, Alex, why can’t you just accept that?”

It happened in the blink of an eye; the high school bully inside him reared it’s ugly head and his hand came up, one swift slap to Alex’s beautiful face. The sound echoed in Kyle’s ears like cannon fire and his heart stopped.

Jesus fucking Christ! What had he done? His own eyes were wide as he stared down into Alex’s terrified ones.

Neither of them moved, eyes locked. Kyle wanted to apologize but his voice, like his sanity, had completely vacated his body. Shit! It was bad enough the years Alex had spent being beaten by his father, now Kyle had crossed that awful line too. Alex would never forgive him for this.

His hand was on Alex’s chest, could feel his heart beating rapidly beneath his fingers, obviously in a state of shock. Both appeared to be waiting for the other to react first.

“Alex, I’m so sorry!” Kyle began as Alex spoke “dude, you just hit me!”

Silence engulfed them again.

Alex placed both hands upon Kyle’s chest and shoved him, hard; he fell back and hit the solid coffee table which sent the items on it flying off in random directions. He knew not to be surprised; he deserved it for he’d just hit his friend, his friend who’d endured years of physical abuse.

But before he could regain himself, Alex was on top of him, kissing him. Alex’s hand found its way inside Kyle’s jeans and he instinctively thrust into his touch.

Kyle reached up, hand in Alex’s hair and pulled his face closer to his; his teeth nipped at Alex’s bottom lip while his other hand reached for any exposed skin he could touch. He needed to feel every inch of Alex’s body.

But now they were on the floor, trapped between the coffee table and the couch which gave them no room to move or explore. Alex was straddling him though, bodies pressed together, Kyle could bench press an impressive amount at the gym but was it enough for what he needed to do now?

It wasn’t impossible more like improbable but he reached down and positioned Alex’s legs while still claiming his lips as a distraction. Then he slowly started to sit up. He was sure Alex thought he was invading his personal space but Alex wrapped his arms around Kyle’s waist, tightly.

He was immensely proud of himself when he managed to get them both to his feet but he wasn’t going to be able to hold them long.

Fortunately it was a small cabin so only a few short steps before he was able to deposit Alex on the unmade bed. He kicked off his shoes and removed his belt before he essentially leapt on top of Alex, lips crushing together in another bruising kiss.

Their hands flailed in every direction as they each tried to remove the others pants and both became a tangled mess. Kyle rolled off the narrow bed and extracted himself from the confines of his jeans before he turned back to the bed and grabbed Alex’s pants. In that moment, the desperation between them disappeared as Kyle carefully removed the item of clothing to reveal Alex’s injury.

He looked to Alex, silently asking permission and Alex nodded his head. Kyle wasn’t looking at it through a Doctor’s eyes, just his own. His fingers gently stroked the scars and he felt a stab of pain inside himself as he tried not to think about all that Alex had been through in his life. Without a second thought, he leaned down and placed a single kiss to scar before looking up at Alex’s face. There were tears in Alex’s eyes.

Kyle quickly moved up the length of his body and kissed him.

“No” Kyle insisted “no, tears”

“Kyle, what are we doing?” Alex asked.

He reached down and stroked Alex’s cock through his underwear this caused Alex to groan, lust flashed through his eyes.

“If you have to ask, I must be doing it wrong” Kyle replied.

“I don’t want you to get hurt!” Alex insisted.

“I’m willing to take that chance, Alex. I love you and I want to be with you”

“Kyle…”

For the second time since reaching the bedroom, Kyle slid off the bed. He moved to the small draws beside the bed and opened the top one. The first thing he found was the tube of lubricant which he showed to Alex who turned away, almost ashamed.

“I’ve spent a lot of lonely nights up here, okay?” Alex confessed.

“But you’re not alone now” Kyle said “I’m here and I want to be with you”

But Alex’s back was to him and his eyes traced the curve of his back down to where he could see the very tip of his crack and Kyle nervously licked his lips. He put the tube aside and wondered what to do next. He appeared to get the best reactions when he approached more aggressively… He wondered if there was some psychological reason behind that but he wasn’t that kind of doctor and now wasn’t the time to delve into it.

He reached out, grabbed the waistband of Alex’s underwear and pulled them down to expose the pale, firm, perfectly rounded cheeks of Alex’s derrière. Kyle watched as Alex shifted onto his stomach but that was what he wanted; better access to his prize. He ran his hand along Alex’s skin, leaned down to place a kiss to the small of his back and smiled at the way Alex arched beneath him. He trailed his kisses lower, lower, trying to ignore the soft, whispered mantra of ‘no, no, no’ coming from Alex.

Kyle scraped his teeth across Alex’s cheek before choosing to indulge, biting into the flesh and causing Alex to cry out. He instantly rolled over, eyes filled with want, lust and desire.

“First you hit me, now you’re  _ biting _ me?” Alex exclaimed. 

Kyle smirked and cocked his eyebrow. He could feel Alex’s hardness pressing against him so he knew his friend liked it, wasn’t  _ offended _ by his actions. He didn’t say anything in his defense, just reached for the lube and poured some onto his finger. Kyle leaned down and claimed Alex’s lips, used the distraction to slide his coated finger between his cheeks. He felt the shudder of Alex’s body as his finger breached his hole.

“Kyle” Alex breathed, his voice barely audible.

Kyle upped the ante on all counts, his kisses became fiercer and hungrier while he slid a second finger inside his friend. He heard the whimper as he cocked his index finger and Alex surrendered completely to him.

“Kyle” Alex sobbed. “Please? Please?”

“You’re holding back” Kyle whispered “let go, you know you want to”

“No… No… Can’t… Can’t”

So Kyle shifted, went deeper, at a different angle. Alex closed his eyes, head tilted back; Kyle nipped at neck and Alex let out a loud scream that sent shivers down Kyle’s spine. He continued to kiss and lick and nip at Alex’s sensitive neck while working his fingers in and out, stretching and preparing him for what was still to come.

He could feel his own cock throbbing between his legs but he wasn’t going to touch himself, this was about  _ Alex _ ; about making him feel loved and cherished and worshipped. 

“Kyle!” Alex cried “I… I… need…”

“What?” Kyle took Alex’s earlobe between his teeth. “What do you need?”

“I need you to fuck me” Alex said through gritted teeth. “Please?”

His heart leapt into his throat but he maintained decorum and simply twitched his fingers again, loved the way Alex whimpered and bucked his hips, urged him further. Kyle couldn’t reach the drawer though, not without removing his fingers from within Alex and he wasn’t ready for that yet.

Kyle wanted to hear Alex beg for  _ more _ ; he wanted to hear the desperation, the want, the need, the pleading.

He’d read enough textbooks to know just the right buttons to press and within minutes, Alex was sobbing and pleading for  _ more _ . Kyle merely encouraged him; his lips kissing and caressing the firm chest; his teeth scraping the nubs of Alex’s nipples. Each tug, lick, nip, brought a new sound from Alex’s lips and Kyle committed them all to memory. He already knew he’d never tire of hearing such beautiful sounds escaping those sweet lips.

“Kyle!” Alex screamed, very loudly before slapping his hand over his mouth in embarrassment.

“You’ve always held back, haven’t you?” Kyle asked him with a smile.

“Uh huh” Alex admitted.

“Fear of someone overhearing, of being caught?”

Alex nodded his head and gnawed at his bottom lip.

Kyle smirked and was so thankful they were doing this at the cabin, far away from any neighbors. No one around for miles, not another soul to hear the stunning sounds coming from Alex.

“Then let go” Kyle whispered. “Scream for me, Alex… Scream as loud as you want”

“I… I can’t” Alex blushed.

“You can… It’s okay to let go”

Alex nodded but kept quiet until Kyle retracted his fingers, a low moan escaped his mouth. Kyle smiled down at him then opened the draw, rummaged about for a box of condoms but couldn’t find any.

“Uh Alex?” Kyle began. “Condoms?”

He shook his head. He’d had no need for them out here, alone.

“Don’t need-”

“Yeah, we do”

Kyle looked around for his pants and reached into the pocket for his wallet. He located a condom then looked at Alex who was staring up at him, the very sight took Kyle’s breath away. He watched Alex’s face as he slowly lowered his underwear, freeing his rock hard cock then he gave himself a few strokes.

He moved back to the bed as Alex reached out and grabbed the condom from him.

“Kyle, it’s not too late” Alex said. “You can still walk away, for your own safety”

He leaned down to kiss the doubts from Alex’s lips then he tore the packaging open and slid the condom over his hardness. He moved to the foot of the bed and climbed on; Alex shifted back towards the headboard and Kyle slid between his open legs.

Kyle grasped Alex’s hips and moved into position.

“Kyle?” Alex reached for his hand. “Are you sure about me? About this?”

Kyle merely leaned over and kissed him, silencing his doubts then he grasped himself and guided his cock towards his desire. With one thrust, he claimed Alex who threw his head back and screamed with absolute delight. 

He shifted their position and slammed into Alex, again and again and again. With each thrust, Alex made gorgeous sounds that reverberated through Kyle’s body. He thrust, hard and fast; Alex reached up, grabbed the headboard to steady himself and prevent brain damage from how hard Kyle was riding him.

Kyle’s fingers dug into Alex’s skin, deep enough to bruise but Alex just begged for  _ more _ . Tears formed in his eyes but he pulled Kyle in for a quick kiss before he screamed Kyle’s name. Not to be outdone, Kyle matched Alex’s cries while riding him harder, thrusting deeper. He grasped Alex’s cock and started stroking in time with his ministrations.

It was just as he’d always imagined only  _ so _ much better. His beautiful, amazing friend was every bit as beautiful and amazing as he knew he’d be. Kyle couldn’t believe Alex was finally in his arms, was vocal and enthusiastically in his arms.

He continued to slam into him again and again while Alex moaned and screamed appreciatively until it became too much, he couldn’t hold on any longer and he came. Kyle screamed loudly himself as Alex’s body constricted around him, working him, pushing him closer to the brink until he too came.

They continued to move together as they came down from their shared orgasm. Kyle collapsed atop of Alex who kissed his forehead. Kyle rolled over and squeezed onto the narrow bed beside Alex.

He reached up and brushed his thumb across Alex’s nipple, it hardened at his touch and he smiled.

“You shouldn’t have done that, Kyle” Alex whispered.

“Done what?” He asked, thumb still tracing the nipple.

“Me” Alex continued.

Kyle reached up, brushed Alex’s hair back from his forehead then kissed his lips.

“I have zero regrets, Alex” he assured him “and I promise, nothing is going to happen to me”

“It will and you’ll hate me for it”

“Never; I will never hate you”

Alex reached down and examined his hip, the bruises left from Kyle’s fingers. He gently traced the mark with his finger.

“That’ll leave a mark” Kyle said to him. He reached up and touched the hickey he’d childishly left upon Alex’s neck. “So will that”

“It’s okay; I don’t mind” Alex confessed.

“You don’t?”

“I’m not ashamed of the scars that come from love” his fingers continued to stroke his hip “the love someone has for me… not the hate my father always inflicted on me”

“I can leave more, if you like…?”

“Maybe next time”

“Oh? Next time?” Kyle sat up and looked down at Alex. “You’re open to the possibility of a next time?”

“It’s a… it’s just an expression” Alex looked away.

“You’re not cursed, Alex. I’m going to be okay… you’re just going to have to trust me, okay?”

“Every guy who’s ever touched me-”

“I’m not like those other guys… I’m here and I’m not going anywhere”

“And when you turn up dead by next week?”

“Then I’ll come back as a ghost”

“Kyle!”

“I’ll spend my evenings making love to you and my nights haunting Guerin’s stupid airstream”

“Kyle!”

“I’m joking, Alex” Kyle assured him. “Because nothing is going to happen to me”

“It will” Alex pouted “and it’ll be my fault”

“No, it won’t be because I’m going to break the pattern”

“I told you, I’m poison Kyle”

“And I’m just what the Doctor ordered”

“You are a doctor!”

“And Doctor’s orders are to listen to me”

“I’m good at following orders”

“Then I order you to kiss me”

“Yes sir”

Alex leaned over and kissed Kyle, whose mind was still reeling at how quickly the events of the day had spiraled. When he’d knocked on the cabin door, his one intention had been to work up the courage to ask his friend to dinner. Kyle reached for Alex’s hand, entwined their fingers.

“So uh when you asked me what I was doing here and I...” he paused “guess it’s kinda moot now but I came here to ask you out”

“Ask me out?”

“I... wanted to have dinner... just the two of us, for my birthday”

Alex chuckled, his entire body shook. Kyle smiled though because he adored the sound of Alex’s laughter.

“I guess we skipped a few steps and went straight for the good stuff, huh?” Alex said.

“So uh... Is that a yes?” Kyle asked, nervously. “You uh you will have dinner with me?”

“Of course I will, Kyle, but uh I’ll need time to get you a present...”

Kyle kissed him.

“Nope, being here with you is the only gift I want” he finished. “The only gift I need”

“Kyle, I can’t not-“

“If you’re that insistent, just buy me the biggest box of condoms you can find and we’ll see how fast we can get through them”

“Now that’s something I can do”

“The buying or the using?”

Alex leaned in for another kiss.“Both”

Kyle couldn’t wait to turn twenty eight.


End file.
